Rain, retirements and a Lauchie Jones blitz at Hampstead

Dear LNZCC faithful,

Some cricket matches are won through careful planning, strong execution and disciplined performances.

This was not one of those matches.

This was a day of rain delays, persistent drizzle, retirement rules, soft tissue injuries, tequila-related tardiness, Formula 1 updates, an outrageous catch from Andrew Barkle, and one of the most entertaining victories LNZCC has produced all season.

The Build-Up: Herding Cats

The first challenge wasn't Hampstead CC.

It was getting 12 LNZCC players to arrive at the same postcode.

Hampstead were blessed with an abundance of available cricketers, leading to a special agreement that every batsman would retire after facing 40 balls. Suddenly every innings came with an expiry date. This wasn't cricket. It was speed dating with a scoreboard.

With this in mind, a clear message was sent to the team:

11:30am sharp.

As usual, several players interpreted sharp - as a philosophical concept rather than a specific time.

Thankfully the actual start was always scheduled for midday, meaning we somehow still had enough players to start.

Well... almost.

Adam Khanbhai then produced a truly elite performance, arriving 45 minutes after the declared arrival time. An exhaustive investigation later revealed that Chairman Vossy and a not-insignificant quantity of tequila may have played a contributing role.

The fines committee is expected to launch a formal inquiry.

To complicate matters further, the weather immediately began doing its best to stop cricket from happening altogether.

Play got underway beneath a persistent light drizzle that would remain a feature of the day. The ball was slippery, the outfield heavy, and nobody was entirely convinced conditions would improve.

With no wicketkeeper present, Richard Lambie bravely donned the gloves. Within minutes he hurled himself down the leg side like a salmon attempting to swim upstream and immediately detonated a quad muscle.

A captain's sacrifice?

Possibly.

A terrible life decision?

Almost certainly.

Fortunately, by this point AK had finally arrived, got changed, found his keeping kit, had a coffee, settled into club life and taken over the gloves from the now partially- disabled captain.

Richard was therefore forced into retirement, strategically positioning himself in the clubhouse where he could receive treatment whilst simultaneously monitoring the cricket and Liam Lawson's progress in the F1.

Curiously, as the afternoon progressed, the team became increasingly sceptical about the severity of the injury and it was observed that the captain's recovery appeared to accelerate whenever cold beer was nearby.

Meanwhile Lachie gracefully assumed the on-field captaincy and tried to restore some semblance of order.

Game on.

Hampstead CC 184 All Out (28.5 Overs)

After winning the toss, LNZCC inserted Hampstead through- a gentleman’s agreement -on what can only be described as a thoroughly British summer's day.

Cricket began under a persistent light drizzle that would become the backdrop for most of the afternoon. Conditions were damp, the ball was greasy, the outfield was heavy, and nobody was entirely convinced that play should be taking place.

Unsurprisingly, the weather finally won the argument, with rain forcing everyone off for an extended break that lasted for over an hour.

Those seeking shelter passed the time in various ways. Some studied weather radar.

Some discussed cricket. Some conducted detailed Formula 1 analysis.

When play eventually resumed, the match was reduced to 30 overs, though the drizzle remained a loyal companion for much of the afternoon.

The difficult conditions made the new-ball spell from Leith Cowie and Shekhar Aryan particularly impressive.

Shekhar struck first, removing Yakov Chandy at 24, before Leith followed shortly afterwards to dismiss Chetan Malhotra and leave Hampstead wobbling at 24/2. With a damp ball, slippery footing and frequent interruptions, both bowlers maintained excellent control and put LNZCC firmly on top.

Hampstead's recovery came through Subhan Malik and Mohammed Zaheer, who rebuilt steadily and began to shift momentum back towards the home side. Malik in particular embraced the 40-ball retirement rule with enthusiasm, racing to 46 from exactly 40 deliveries and treating every scoring opportunity as though it might be his last.

The partnership carried Hampstead to 100 before Lachie Johns delivered a crucial breakthrough, removing Malik (albeit just as he hit retirement).

Shayan Aryan then struck shortly afterwards, dismissing Zaheer for 26 and reducing Hampstead to 109/4.

Another breakthrough followed when Andrew Barkle removed Rizvan Raja at 120, and when Lachie trapped Krishna Darshan Raghavan at 126, LNZCC had wrestled back control of the innings.

At 126/6, Hampstead appeared vulnerable.

However, Gagandeep Singh launched a brief but aggressive counterattack, striking 23 from just 14 balls and threatening to drag his side towards a total well beyond 190. Just as momentum began to shift again, Barkle stepped in once more, dismissing the dangerous hitter and ending the revival.

Barkle was everywhere during this phase of the game. He claimed two wickets, took an excellent catch, and contributed a sharp run out as Hampstead searched desperately for late runs.

The highlight came with one of the catches of the season.

Sprinting across the field in difficult, damp conditions, Barkle flung himself forward to cling onto a catch that seemed destined to fall safely. For a brief moment the weather, the score and even the retirement rule were forgotten as players from both sides appreciated a genuinely outstanding piece of fielding.

Meanwhile, Mitchell Van Der Plas continued his reputation as the a human magnet, collecting three catches and somehow positioning himself underneath seemingly every aerial shot.

The closing stages belonged entirely to LNZCC.

With Hampstead at 162/7 and looking to launch one final assault, the bowling attack slammed the door shut. Shayan returned to clean up the tail, claiming three of the final four wickets, while the fielders maintained pressure right to the end.

From 162/7, Hampstead lost their final four wickets for just 22 runs and were eventually dismissed for 184 in 28.5 overs.

In conditions that rarely suited bowling and frequently barely suited cricket, it was an outstanding all-round performance with contributions across the side:

• Shayan Aryan: 4 for 34
• Lachie Johns: 2 for 30
• Andrew Barkle: 2 for 29, a run out and a spectacular catch
• Leith Cowie: 1 for 24 from 6 overs
• Shekhar Aryan: 1 for 41 and the crucial first breakthrough 184 felt competitive.

But given the conditions, the shortened game and the batting still to come, it also felt very chaseable.

The Chase: Everything Was Fine Until It Wasn't

The equation was simple:

185 needed from 30 overs.

With every batter restricted to 40 balls, there was little value in easing into an innings. From ball one, everyone knew the clock was ticking.

J Pryde understood the assignment immediately.

He launched an entertaining 25 from 17 balls, including one six of such magnitude that it struck two separate sides of the clubhouse roof. Structural engineers are reportedly still reviewing the footage.

At the other end, R Boon provided the perfect foil. Calm where others were chaotic, he accumulated a measured 35 while keeping the scoreboard moving.

Together they launched the chase superbly before Pryde became the first wicket at 47.

Jacob Vanner's stay was brief but useful, helping push the score beyond fifty before departing at 51.

From there Boon and James Baker gradually took control.

By the halfway point of the chase, LNZCC were sitting comfortably at 80/2, requiring little more than sensible cricket to complete the job.

Naturally, sensible cricket was not on the agenda.

The retirement rule finally caught up with Boon, who walked off after facing his allotted 40 deliveries and compiling an excellent 35. His departure counted as the third wicket, but it had laid the perfect platform.

James Baker continued to build, timing the ball beautifully and rotating the strike with minimal fuss.

Then came the moment everyone had been waiting for.

Lambie emerged from the treatment room.

Partially repaired.

Questionably fit.

Fuelled by optimism.

Supported by runner Jacob Vanner.

The stage was set for a heroic comeback.

He took guard.

Faced one ball.

Bowled.

Golden duck.

The comeback tour lasted approximately eight seconds.

From wicketkeeper, to injured captain, to batter, to spectator in the space of a single delivery.

It's the sort of efficiency management consultants dream about.

Fortunately, Baker remained in complete control.

His outstanding 37 from 35 balls ensured the chase never drifted, and alongside the increasingly ominous presence of Lachie Johns, kept LNZCC cruising towards the target.

When Baker finally departed at 152/5, Hampstead sensed a small opportunity.

Not panic.

Not concern.

Just a faint glimmer.

The target was still within reach.

The game simply needed somebody to slam the door shut.

And that was when Lachie Johns decided everyone had suffered enough.

Lachie Chooses Violence

What followed cannot accurately be described as batting.

It was closer to a personal vendetta against cricket balls.

Lachie strode to the crease, looked at the target, looked at the retirement rule and essentially said:

No thank you

Boundary.

Boundary.

Boundary.

Six.

Boundary.

Repeatedly.

The scorers were working harder than some of the fielders.

From the moment Baker departed at 152, Hampstead's faint hopes disappeared rapidly.

Lachie attacked anything fractionally overpitched, underpitched or pitched at all.

His final numbers were absurd:

63 from 26 balls

• 10 fours
• 2 sixes
• Strike rate: 242.31
• Approximately 14 Hampstead fielders emotionally damaged

Matt Van Der Plas chipped in with a useful 6 before departing at 176, by which point the result was effectively settled.

Lachie eventually fell at 184, having dragged LNZCC to the brink of victory almost single-handedly.

The Final Act

With only a handful required, there was still time for one final twist.

Adam Khanbhai, having missed most of the pre-match preparations and several important concepts relating to punctuality, was on the field when it counted and remained unbeaten on 4.

Alongside him was Shayan Aryan, fresh from collecting four wickets earlier in the day.

One ball.

One swing.

One boundary.

Game over.

LNZCC reached 188/7 in 23.5 overs, completing the chase with more than six overs to spare and securing a thoroughly deserved victory.

Match Awards

Player of the Match: Lachie Johns (63 off 26, 2 wickets, emergency captain, general problem solver)

Vacuum Cleaner Award: M Van Der Plas, who caught everything hit vaguely in his direction.

Timekeeper of the Year: Adam Khanbhai, proving that arrival times are merely suggestions.

Contributing Factor Award: Chairman Vossy and tequila.

Unsung Hero Award: Tim Cleverdon, who somehow managed to keep score while the rest of us were busy creating chaos.

Result: London New Zealand CC won by 3 wickets.

Another memorable victory. Next week we'll attempt something even more ambitious than chasing 185 in 24 overs:

Getting all LNZCC players to the ground on time.

Photos

The novelty of seeing LNZ play live on TV will never wear off