Garrick Club too strong in a sweltering inaugural fixture

Renowned for its arts and literature, The Garrick Club boasts among its current members King Charles III, cricket nut Stephen Fry, his sparring partner Hugh Laurie, and legends of the stage and silver screen Sir Benedict Cumberbatch and Dame Judi Dench. Famously a male-only members' club, the latter only became a member following the admission of female members in 2024. Its alumni include Charles Dickens, H.G. Wells, Sir John Gielgud and former MI6 chief Richard Moore.

Quite why they sought the company of the LNZ Vets for this inaugural fixture wasn't entirely clear. Perhaps it was simply a meeting of minds and an opportunity to share our rich cultures...

Not to be outdone, LNZ boasted a triumvirate of former chairmen in Choc, Fishy and Pete Tippen, the latter not having played a game since 2016.

The rules were akin to a Last Man Stands match – no balls and wides were worth two runs without being re-bowled, ten overs from one end and compulsory retirement at 50. Fine gentlemanly stuff, although perhaps enough to make Stephen Fry tut-tut.

There was the usual reshuffle of numbers before the start, mostly from the opposition, who had not only drafted in Reza and Vinnay, but also collared a few active Acton CC members to make up their side. Alas, there would be no King Charles III charging in off a long run-up or Benedict Cumberbatch unfurling a cover drive.

The 'Vets' moniker was taking a serious hit. Perhaps it was simply a desire for revenge following the Test defeat at the hands of the Black Caps a few days earlier at The Oval.

The summer solstice had only recently passed and, after the overnight thunder and downpour, a heatwave had arrived. The temperature was still touching 37 degrees shortly after 5pm when we gingerly ambled out for the toss. It was clearly going to be a day for rehydration and, with England playing later that evening in the Football World Cup, there was plenty of scope to crack on.

The Garrick Club captain and Royal Opera House CEO, Sir Alex Beard, had no hesitation in batting after winning the toss. Curiously, Acton seemed "more difficult to get to than Oxford" and LNZ were scraping together just eight players when taking the field.

Mike McLean took the new pink ball and, after three overs, Garrick were nibbling along at barely two runs an over. Forced bowling changes then opened the floodgates.

Turncoat Reza, who often moonlighted for The Garrick, rode his luck before going about his work, eventually being caught in the deep.

Alas, in strode league player Cam Rion. This young, moustachioed lad was barely half our age and punished everything before him, walloping 54 from just 20 balls.

Upon his departure, Jon Shea claimed a stumping off Choc, while Vancer removed the other turncoat, Vinnay. The final five overs yielded only 26 runs, albeit with a few overly generous wides thrown in. All in all, a total of 179 was blundered.

A brief team talk about "gloves off" largely fell on deaf ears as rehydration of any form was the order of the day.

AK and Fults opened up against fellow LNZ player, Vinay Kumar off a long run. Three overs were negotiated before Fults top-edged one that was comfortably snaffled.

John McMullan held his own and cut with authority before missing one from the off-spinner. Former chairman Pete Tippen, who had not held a bat in ten years, then rolled back the clock with some flat-bat bludgeoning.

AK fell for a well-compiled 32 at around a run a ball. Jacob Murray joined Pete and evidently hadn't received the memo about running twos. He engineered Pete's run out by half a pitch before promptly blowing his own calf, having also scored 32.

LNZ then stumbled along, never quite threatening the chase. Fishy and then Choc produced some delightful flashes, and we eventually assembled 142-8 from our 20 overs, finishing 38 runs short.

Post-match rehydration kicked in, with yarns exchanged and entertaining tales of The Garrick Club shared before attention turned to England's rather drab 0-0 draw.

The Garrick members summed it up perfectly:

"Well, at least our game was entertaining."