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Four Elms - Sunday 27th July 2008
Being a match manager
for LNZCC can be an unforgiving task at times. I mean, how do you appease a
batting line up consisting of : Oliver, Simm, Burgess, Perkinson, Dormer,
Fanning and Penman ? Add to that a less than enthusiastic opposition who seemed
more intent on feeding the batsman runs quicker than Burgess could quaff pints
then you are left, I hope you all appreciate, with a rather futile situation. Before we get into
that though the story of the trip to the ground warrants a mention. The writer picked up
Umpire Conway and Mike Oliver from Putney and Clapham respectively at around
10.30am thinking an hour was ample time to make the trip down the A23 in time
for the 11.30am start. Mistake one. Mistake two was allowing a horribly hung
over Mike Oliver, who'd only stumbled into bed four hours prior via Clapham's
Mosquito bar to navigate. Mistake three was taking the more direct, picturesque,
but congested A23 route rather than the A3-M25 route. End result, with plenty of
missed turns in between, was that the writer and captain for the day, along with
Umpire, opening batsman and team kit had to call the toss of the coin from a
mobile phone still some fifteen minutes from the ground. We lost the toss, and
rather surprisingly, were asked to bat. Simm and Fanning were
mid way through the second over as we turned into the ground. On a scorching
day, a fast outfield, a less than penetrative opposition bowling attack, and one
of the strongest LNZCC batting line-ups one can ever recall, the scene was set.
That was until Fanning missed a straight one that hit the top of the off stump
and contemplated packing the gear bag as he walked off; 8 to his name. Burgess and Simm then
went about upping the ante, queue many a fine shot to the boundary, many hands
on hips and kicking at dust antics from the opposition, and a festive mood
amongst those LNZ members gathered under the marquee watching the onslaught.
Whilst the Burge and Simm dismantled the Four Elms bowling attack, discussion
wondered, and then centred around who was the first batsman to ever wear a
helmet in a competitive game of cricket. The writer thought it was Graham
Yallop, TP chimed in with Mike Brearley during the 1978 series vs. Lillee and
Thompson, before the Swann came up with Sikander Bahkt the matchstick man of
Pakistani cricket, thus ensued a lengthy, rather detailed description of the
afore mentioned Sikander Bahkt, until the Swann had to get up to change the
scoreboard and the conversation quickly changed to Mike Oliver's night out. By now both Burgess
and Simm were past their 50s, and with the run rate hovering at around 8 an over
decided to accelerate still further. This instigated the Burge to miss a
straight one from the centre of the pitch that hit the base of middle stump much
to his and everyone else's amusement. Exit the Burge and enter Perkinson who
joined the well established Simm. However, not for long, as Simm went the way of
Burge missing a straight one as he was trying to club it over cows corner and so
came to an end a well compiled innings of 63. This left Dormer and
Perkinson to re-establish the momentum, which they did, until Lunch temporarily
saved the opposition. The Lunch was
tremendous. BBQ with cheese cake and an assortment of fruit. The Budvar was
flowing, and with LNZ at 190-3 the targeted 300 was well within sight. The Four
Elms captain even had time between mouthfuls of burger to put forward a well
rehearsed argument as to why we should declare for 250. Convincing, but ignored. Play resumed with the
first five overs after lunch yielding 50 runs as Dormer and Perkinson, as
relentless as ever, proceeded to dismantle the bowling attack which was now
fading badly in the hot Kentish sun. Dormer then held out when on 58 and Oliver
joined Perkinson for some batting practise before the writer put the Four Elms
bowlers out of their misery by declaring with the score 280-4 from 35 overs. There was much debate
in the dressing room as to whether the right declaration had been made. Many saw
it as a compromise and criticism came from all angles, we had a lot of overs in
the field, with few bowlers, on a flat track, on a steaming hot day. We would
see. Oliver and TP took the
new ball. After 3-overs the previous nights festivities caught up with Oliver
and he was replaced by Duncan Odds for one over to allow TP to bowl from his
favoured "downhill" end. Duncan, the boyfriend of Tricky's daughter, was
instantly christened Tricky Junior and settled into a tidy line and length, as
well as providing much needed variety with his left arm medium pacers. Vital
overs from Tricky Junior were to come later. Gerard Walsh the
destroyer of Royal Household struggled up hill and was replaced by the writer,
whilst TP took the first wicket of the innings with the opposition score on 80.
It was game on. Meanwhile, Oliver spent an over dry reaching down on the fine
leg boundary with the warning from umpire Conway that the batting side would be
awarded 5 runs unless he re-entered the field of play : "have a heart" pleaded
the writer "it's the law" replied umpire Conway; Oliver re-entered the field. The writer then saw an
attempted lofted drive sky into the bucket hands of Dormer at a deep mid on.
Four Elms were now 90-2. The game broke for Tea
with more overs required from the soon to be 50 TP. However, the body ceased up
and there was nothing left in the tank, so on came the destroyer of Royal
Household after the break from the "downhill" end with the writer resuming
"uphill". The next half-hour saw
Gerard Walsh stake a real claim for this season's bowling trophy as he first
trapped their Mushtaq Ahmed like number 4 LBW, umpire Conway making the
decision, much to the dismay of the batsman who felt among other things he'd
edged it onto his pad. This lead to him standing his ground refusing to the
leave the field of play prompting Oliver to politely ask him to do so which lead
to the two protagonists standing toe-to-toe in an angry exchange of words. The
Waikato man won out in the end. Mushtaq left. In the words of Dormer
"extraordinary ." This seemed to galvanise LNZ , especially when after the next
ball Walsh was on a hatrick after knocking back the helpless Four Elms batsman's
off stump. The hatrick ball came and went, and so another chapter in LNZCC
folklore was averted. Soon Four Elms were
five down after their danger man and chief destroyer from previous years was
dismissed cheaply caught & bowled by the writer. The game then went into a
slight lull as the opposition seemed content with batting out for a draw while
losing wickets at a steady rate. On came Burgess and Fanning for a rare bowl in
an effort to coax the batsman out of their shell. Burgess managed a wicket in
his two overs whilst Fanning succeeded a little too well in coaxing them out and
was promptly withdrawn after one over for 16 runs which prompted Mike Oliver to
state the obvious "thank god you can bat Matt." There was no response from
Fanning. With time running out
the writer returned with Tricky junior from the "downhill" end. Tricky junior managed
to snare his first LNZ wicket with a well taken catch from Perkinson at extra
cover, and despite a tidy spell of bowling from the debutant, and with time
running out, the writer opted for the pace from the now fully recovered Oliver
as the writer continued from the "uphill" end. Four overs remained
one wicket was required. A close shout for LBW
in the second to last over from Oliver almost proved decisive, but umpire Conway
remained unmoved, and so it came down to the final over with the writer bowling
and the Four Elms number 11 left hander on strike. With the bat crowded
and the ball turning there was little margin for error. The first two went
innocuously past the outside edge of the bat. The next two with a straighter
line rapped the pads, and the fifth turned too sharply to apply any real
opportunity for a wicket. It had come down to the last ball of the game. With
everyone bar Dormer and Burgess now surrounding the bat, the ball was flighted
up pitching on middle and turning away which dragged the batsman into a half
forward defence, half attempted off drive, it caught the outside edge of the
bat, deflected off of keeper Swann's left pad, and landed, after moving swiftly
to his left, in the hands of debutant Tricky Junior at 1st slip. We'd won, and
much scenes of jubilation proceeded before we retired to the dressing room with
a well earned win under our belts. It was a great days
cricket much enjoyed by both sets of teams, supporters and all involved, and for
once the English summer didn't let us down with a perfect day. The GBK Man of the
match should have probably been Burge for his sublime 58 and 6 pints. However it
went to Perkinson for his second 50 in as many knocks and for recovering so
admirably from last weeks sickening blow. Thanks to Four Elms
for putting on a great day, and a great lunch and afternoon tea. Thanks to
Marty, especially from Gerard Walsh, for umpiring again, and thanks to Duncan
(Tricky Junior) for coming in at short notice and playing such a vital role in a
fine win for LNZCC. Call of the day "You taking if for a walk ?" Mike Oliver as TP ran along side the ball from mid-off to the boundary before picking it up as it stopped just inside the rope.
Matt Reinholds
Scoreboard LNZCC
280 for 4 Declared (35 Overs) Four Elms 182 All out on last
ball of the day (54 Overs) LNZCC win by 98 runs Four Elms won the toss in this declaration match and elected to bowl
Batting Runs Catches Stumpings Run Outs Stats
Blair Simm 63 bowled 11 fours Matt Fanning 8 1 bowled Richard Burgess 58 bowled 7 fours, 2 sixes Shaun Perkinson 50* 9 fours Ben Dormer 58 3 caught 10 fours Mike Oliver 15* Duncan Odds DNB 1 +Andrew Swann DNB Anthony Penman DNB Gerard Walsh DNB *Matt Reinholds DNB 1
Extras 28
FOW 20, 136, 141, ?
Bowling O M R W Stats Mike Oliver 5 0 16 0 Anthony Penman 10 2 24 1 caught Duncan Odds 9 4 22 1 caught) Gerard Walsh 10 0 44 3 lbw, bowled x 2 Matt Reinholds 14 5 38 4 caught x 3, c&b Ben Dormer 3 3 0 0 Richard Burgess 2 0 7 1 bowled Matt Fanning 1 0 16 0 Extras 34
GBK Man of the Match: Shaun Perkinson
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