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Chenies and Latimer - Sunday 22nd May 2005
Question: "Stevie,
how many hundreds have you got?" Lord knows how Burge
discovered young "Stevie's" name but 3/5ths of the way through my first game as
LNZ skipper I was damned relieved that he had. At the time C&L were on 160 odd
for 1, one opening batsman having just succumbed to a deceptively ordinary
off-spin delivery bowled by yours truly and Stevie was 80 something n.o. Despite
numerous searching deliveries from Messrs Edwards, Morgan, Bartle, Radford,
"3-pint" Southwell and Holden, C&L were without any doubt in charge of the game
35 overs into their allotted 45 and I think it is fair to say the LNZ boys were
getting more than a little frustrated by their lack of success and the prospect
of chasing 250+. To top it off the sky had that "I am going to hold off until
C&L knock up 250 odd then chuck it down so LNZ don't get a bat" look about it. Enter "the
Burge"... I am pretty confident
that what unfolded over the next 10 overs may have occurred approximately 15
years earlier at Onewa domain, Takapuna when one R. Burgess as a pimply-faced
teen faced up to the mighty C Pringle. Faster than you could say "4 runs to go
Stevie and only 9 balls left" Burge single-handedly turned young Stevie from a
self-assured batsman who was just a handful of runs away from his second club
century into a bundle of nerves with a long long way to go to reach 100. It
should be recorded that there was absolutely nothing malicious about the Burge's
method - it was just very very loud and obvious. You get the picture. Stevie departed caught
trying to loft over the ring field for 97. C&L made 211 for 2 off 45 overs.
Brett Radford bowled a stunning last over. LNZCC walked off the
field feeling a whole lot better than they had 10 overs earlier. Cheers B&B. Other observations
of the day: - LNZCC (in the main)
turned up on time at 11 ready for 11.30 start. The opposition turned up at 12.30
for a 1pm start???? - "The Burge" arrived
at C&L having caught a lift with Ryan and Swanny looking as if he'd stepped out
of a sauna. Ryan later explained that when he picked up the Burge, he was
unsurprisingly "a bit dusty" after a few Friday night pints at the Wharf and
during the drive north apparently he started looking more and more
uncomfortable. No, contrary to expectations, this was not due to Swanny giving
an account of Roman Emperor Septimius Severus coming to Britain to fight against
tribes invading from Scotland in 211 AD. Burge shed a jersey, then turned the
aircon on full, then down went the window but alas the beads still kept forming
and Burge really was perplexed... he'd never really had the sweats quite this
badly before. Approx 40 mins into their journey (by which time Burge had shed
about 2-3 kgs) Ryan suggested Burge "might want to turn off his seat heater".
Burge's response "fair play to you Ryan". - 20 overs into the
C&L innings, we were told there was to be no lunch and that they'd known this
for weeks. As you can imagine this didn't go down well with the troops esp.
after yours truly had created huge expectations of being royally wined and dined
by C&L. I was genuinely afraid. Also, I have played a number of games with "the
Arch" Holden now and having done so thought him to be pretty much unflappable no
matter how grim the situation, however when the opposition captain made this
known to us I have never seen such a forlorn figure... Rich, shall from this
fixture forth be known to me as "the kitkat" Holden as he simply turned around,
cricket all but forgotten, and raced for the clubhouse bar in search of fuel for
his sizeable frame. Rich returned 10 mins later with a dozen kitkats. Yes we
helped eat these. - "The ball went
clean through'im Philip Bartle" had to be checked by medical staff after a
cricket ball was observed entering his chest and exiting his back at 150km/hr
while fielding on the square leg boundary. The shot went for 4. Phil survived. - Swanny and Pete
Tippen got us off to a great start, bringing up 50 runs very smartly. "Tips" in
particular was in sublime form clipping one very memorable 6 out of the ground
over the mid-wicket boundary. - "I'm quite keen
to come back to slap that 60 year old guy who has 1000 club wickets out of the
park 1000 times - Perkinson" didn't have such a happy day at the office.
That said he kept wicket yet again to an international standard, very obviously
taking an excellent leg side stumping only to have the 5 year old square leg
umpire give it the thumbs down. This was closely followed by the clearest caught
behind ever which (you guessed it) received the same treatment. Perky is
rumoured to have exacted revenge for this during his lengthy umpiring stint.
Perky, you should know that Burge apparently laughed at you when you were caught
out for 1. - "3 pint" Southwell
(who clearly thought victory was assured when we'd reached 150 for 4 off about
30 overs) decided to conduct a "how many pints should you drink to obtain
optimal batting performance" experiment... the answer (albeit from only 1 test
case) is 2. Zac had 3. Zac scored... - The new and improved
lightweight Burge backed up his stunning verbal antics in the field with a match
winning (and unusually conservative) knock... the boy can bat. - "Apple Ibook
Advert/Silver Badger Edwards" - bowled like a dream (for 1 wicket) and was
clearly the most technically proficient batsmen to grace the wicket until that
awful head up swing across the line - Ramster what were you thinking? - "Dave "F**k that"
Morgan" - who is I am beginning to suspect suffers from Terets Syndrome,
bowled with typical skill and aggression and also struck one of the sweetest
lofted straight drives of the day to claim 4 very valuable runs towards the end
of our innings. - LNZCC won the match
with 3 wickets in hand and a couple of overs to spare. It was a classic one-day
contest and victory certainly was sweet on this occasion. - A VERY BIG THANKS to
Pete Tippen, Rich Holden and Philip Bartle for stepping up and following a few
late withdrawals. - Also a big thanks to Phil's wife who on hearing there might be a lack of food provided raced off and found some low fat "cod and chips" - as specifically requested/recommended by our player-dietician/personal trainer Perky.
Scoreboard Chenies and Latimer 211-2 (45 Overs)
LNZCC 215-7 LNZCC win by 3 wickets Batting Runs Catches Stumpings Andy Swann 16 Pete Tippen 40 Shaun Perkinson 1
Richard Burgess 61* Isaac Southwell 0
Ryan Edwards 7 Dave Morgan 6* Philip Bartle DNB Richard Holden DNB
Bowling O M R W
Ryan Edwards 12 2
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