Hagley - 22nd June
2003
Sometimes, even the
best-laid plans fail.
But that wasn't the case at Hagley, where LNZCC
stumbled to their second
defeat of the season. With Kiwi skipper, the club
chairman Mike Stead,
sequestered behind closed doors, apparently pondering
his options following
the toss, the start time for the match of 11.30 came
and went. When Stead
finally emerged some 15 minutes later, his message to
the team that he would
further consider what might be a suitable
declaration at lunch, was greeted
with some surprise - mainly because the
Kiwis were about to take to the
field and Hagley's openers were already
waiting in the middle.
Following on from what will go down in the annals
as 'The Singleton Affair',
this was an inauspicious beginning indeed. Later
in the day, Stead explained
his somewhat bewildering strategy as 'planning
ahead by thinking backwards'.
The sheer staggering mental weight of Stead's
cerebral approach to the game
was enough to send several Kiwis straight to
the bar in an attempt to
lighten their burden. Or, as one player, who shall
not be named, put it,
'what the f*** is he talking about?'
The confusion
quickly spread throughout the side. Aaron Gale (2-41),
seemingly labouring
under the misapprehension that he was once again a
21-year-old tearaway,
proceeded to hurl down 19 overs of
increasingly-frustrated medium pace. His
spell was broken only by a two-over
pre-lunch burst from the club's leading
wicket-taker, Steve Deane (2-23),
whose patience in waiting all morning for
the chance to bowl downwind was
rewarded with an early wicket. Peter
Tippen, at mid-! wicket, covered an
amazing amount of ground, running back
to take a fine catch over his
shoulder from a soaring, mistimed pull from
Deane's well-disguised slow
half-tracker.
Tippen's effort was the
highlight in what was a below-par fielding effort
from the Kiwis. However,
with Hagley struggling at 117/5 at lunch, it looked
as if Stead's
forethought was going to pay dividends. Always the thinking
man, Stead
rewarded Deane for his timely breakthrough by switching him into
the
building storm-force wind immediately following a lunch significant
both
its quality and generous proportion. Again, the move looked a stroke
of
genius as Deane picked up the sixth Hagley scalp in his first over
following
the extended festival of gluttony.
But that was a good as it
got for the Kiwis. Gale continued his
interminable, but ultimately
unrewarded, spell and Richard Holden came on to
confirm his reputation as
surely one the of the world's least lucky
cricketers. The sheer volume
and variety of the catches dropped from
Holden's cunning nude spin was a
fantastic spectacle to behold. Gale then
rounded out Holden's day by
striking him flush on the toe with a
full-blooded shy from perhaps a metre
and a half away. There was some
thought that this may have been an act of
revenge from Gale, a surprise
winner of the lunchtime Hagley sprint, after
bookies' favourite Holden had
been a late scratching.
For the record,
Tippen comfortably accounted for Gale in the final after
Gale had pulled
out of his heat in protest at an alleged false start by the
other nine
contestants.
It was hard to know if Hagley's 240/6 was what Stead was
hoping for when he
had pondered their declaration, but the Kiwis certainly
began their chase in
fine style. Tippen (90) and Richard Dellabarca posted
a first-wicket stand
of 74 in good time before Dellabarca's fierce, but
slightly lofted drive,
sent umpired Martin Conway tumbling to t! he ground
in an undignified scramble
- and the bowler into outright delirium as he
clutched the sharp return
chance.
Darren O'Loughlin looked good before
hitting the worst ball of the day - a
floated leg-side full toss - gently
to deep backward square and Brett
Radford hit a six one ball, only to be
out the next in true back-yard
fashion.
Richard Keyse chopped on for
two, the lowest score of the day, and could
later be heard claiming he did
not know how to pack the gear bag as he had
never done it before in his
15-year LNZ career. The sight of the befuddled
big man on his hands and
knees in the changing room, surrounded by an array
of pads, gloves and
sweaty boxes was a fitting metaphor for the Kiwi side's
muddled
display.
With roughly 120 required from the last 20 overs when Deane (30)
took to the
wicket, the neutral observer could have been forgiven for
believing that
Stead had told his number six that six runs were required
per bal! l, rather
than six per over. Deane struck three consecutive sixes
and then added a
fourth an over later before holing out to long-off in what
can only be
described as a ludicrous piece of cricket.
Tippen,
meanwhile, was stoic in compiling his 90. After surviving an early
chance
at first slip when he was four, Tippen capitalised by smashing seven
fours
and three sixes and running between the wickets with an alacrity
that
belied his second-place finish in the Hagley sprint. But Tippen
lacked
support and when he departed the Kiwis' chance of victory went with
him.
With three overs remaining and the last pair of Holden and Terry Yeo
at the
wicket, Stead made his final contribution by sending out word to
shut up
shop with his side still 25 runs short of victory. It was with
some
surprise, then, that this reporter observed Yeo's next shot - an
extravagant
hoick over wide long-on for four. Surely this was out-and-out
mutiny: a
carefree, damn you all charge for victory from a plucky Kiwi
battler not
content to settle for a draw in what was a one day
fixture?
The other possibility was even more unthinkable - that Stead had
failed to
adequately communicate to his new recruit that a draw was in fact
possible
under these strange English laws.
With two-and-a-half overs of
innocuous off spin standing between LNZ and an
honourable draw, Yeo again
sought the boundary and was bowled neck and crop.
Stead's polite inquiry as
to whether Yeo was aware of the draw option was
duly answered in the
negative and the spotlight turned once again to the
quality of Stead's
leadership. Surely this was a performance of ineptitude
to rival Sean
Pollock's against the Black Caps at the world cup? Or even
Singleton's at
Reigate.
Sometimes, even the best-laid plans fail, even when they involve
'thinking
backwards'.
Scoreboard
Hagley 240-6 Dec LNZCC 220 All Out Match Lost by 20 Runs
Batting
Runs Catches Stumpings
Richard Dellabarca 35
1
Brett Radford (w) 6
1
Darren O'Loughlin (w) 14
Steve Deane 30
Chris Crooks 8
Terry Yeo
7
Peter Tippen 90
1
Richard Keyse 2
Aaron Gale
8
Mike Stead (c) 3
Richard Holden 1*
Bowling
O M R W
Aaron Gale 19 8
41 2
Terry Yeo 4
0 36 0
Chris Crooks 5 0
26 2
Mike Stead 4
1 16 0
Richard Holden 4 0
34 0
Steve Deane 8
1
23 2
Brett Radford 3 0
33 0
